Here, you will find ways to be a lesbian.
I’ve also shared some lesbian Whatsapp groups which if you join, you will find other lesbians to connect with.
There comes a point in every girl’s life when she realizes that most men are jerks.
This is normally followed by a long conversation on the phone with a sister-in-arms, which amounts to nothing more than:
‘Boys smell, I’m gonna be a lesbian’.
Or ya know, something along those lines.
Probably said with anger as you cry into your friend’s ear as yet another male realizes you’re mad and that he’s found someone else who’s way more interesting, pretty, and sexually confident.
So yeah, I’ve decided I should give this whole lesbian thing a go.
I’ve heard many of you talk about it, but have you actually TRIED it?
Here’s how my first experience with lesbianism panned out:
1. GO ON A DATING SITE
You’re straight or possibly slightly bi, which means the only girls you’re into are pretty girly girls.
The ones in the shampoo commercials with long glossy manes, who you’re slightly envious of and would like to share clothes with(basically other straight girls).
But, the only girls you see on the street that you think are gay, are the ones in tank tops with short hair.
Yep, your gaydar kinda sucks. What you need is some kind of database.
One with photos of girls with the word ‘Gay’ written next to it, something nice and simple.
That’s right, no MDMA feeding or pressuring straight girls into experimenting.
Sure, it’s less fun, but also less embarrassing.
2. GET A DATE
You’re a girl, she’s a girl, so exchange numbers and ask her out, already!
You’re both on a dating site, so you already have something in common.
Think positive: SHE WILL SAY YES.
Don’t expect to get that funny butterfly feeling you get when a boy sends you flirty texts, though.
Push past that and don’t give up.
Boys, Pff. Who needs ‘em?
3. TAKE HER FOR DINNER
Try and think of the pretty girl sitting across from you as a nice new friend.
That way the conversation will flow better.
And it will give you an opportunity to pick up on how she feels about you.
It’s funny because you’ll start seeing exactly how you act when you’re out with a boy on a first date.
Playing with your hair, touching your face, avoiding eye contact – IT’S ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE.
Catching a girl blush or stutter slightly because she’s nervous is so fucking cute.
This is the point where the date might get a bit difficult.
As a girl, you’ll naturally want to be awkward, cute, and vulnerable.
You’re also probably thinking about messaging that boy you fancy.
‘Am I really into girls?
Did I make a big mistake coming on this date? Will I have to eat her vagina?’
DO NOT DO THIS. ERASE THESE NEGATIVE NON-DYKE THOUGHTS FROM YOUR MIND.
DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE PENIS.
I believe in you, we can do this.
If your mind starts to wander over to the penis side of things, give your date a friendly hug.
She’ll smell like the pretty shampoo commercial girls who lounge around in their underwear.
Ok. Let’s admit it.
By this time you’ve had some drinks and you totally went to the toilet and texted that guy, even though I specifically told you not to.
You start hoping he gets back to you, so you can bring him in on the fun, but… God, wouldn’t it be amazing to have his big secure masculine arms wrapped around you?
Don’t you just love it when a man holds you and you know everything’s gonna be ok?
Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, how to become a lesbian…
4. SEAL THE DEAL
Go home with the girl, and make love to her.
It will be amazing.
You can run your fingers through her hair.
Her skin is super soft and she’s all giggly one second and sexy smoldery-eyed the next.
Maybe you could think about a third, more masculine party while you’re doing it?
Sometimes the top setting on the vibrator isn’t enough or the plastic is all cold, or you hate the feeling of her puny little girl fingers inside your vagina.
Wouldn’t this be a lot easier if you just did it with a guy?
Hold on, are we all 100% thinking about men now?!
