How To Have A One Night Stand

How To Have A One Night Stand

Here is a guide to help you know exactly how to have a one night stand.

Remember that night during your first year of college when you had drunken sex with that guy you met at a party?

Yeah, you do; you even reminisce about it sometimes, but you mostly preoccupy yourself with the fact that it was A ONE NIGHT STAND.

Well, honey, simmer down.

Guys have the ability to stick their schlong into any willing girl with no backlash or shame, but females are marked with the scarlet letter if they decide to have some fun with a stranger.

The reason is: Women do not know how to have one night stands.

I’ve never met a guy who has poked a random girl and then wanted to marry her.

So, you being that random girl, have to acknowledge that fact and play by the ONS (One Night Stand DUH) rules.

Don’t Get His Name

Girls tend to go from ‘friendly’ to ‘marriage planning’, way too quickly.

That sexual encounter you had last Friday can drastically affect you once ‘the cute guy in the Hole t-shirt’ becomes ‘Matt in the Hole t-shirt’.

As soon as you put a name to the face, it’ll drive you crazy.

It’s almost like your anti-whore hormones wake up and start tickling your brain into a state of prude-y long-term commitment, brunch with your mother-in-law, and shopping trips for baby clothes.

But, he doesn’t want any of that stuff, so then you turn into Glenn Close.

— Wear A Condom!

Elementary school shit, but most of us forget. Remember, we can’t all be Magic Johnson.

— Only Fuck The Hot Ones

Alcohol, drugs, and desperation will inevitably impair your judgment, but you know, try not to fuck someone who looks like they sucked on the ugly-dummy when they were a baby.

— Try And Do It At Your Place

After waking up with a hangover, you can nap all day and you won’t have to take a train back to your apartment.

Remember, YOU’RE doing this guy a favor (pussy holds the motherfuckin power).

If you can’t do it at yours, then at least you can sneak out in the middle of the night.

If you cum early enough, you can still go back to that awesome party you met him at.

If you cum at all, that is.

One Night Stands Are For Druken, Lonely Nights

Acknowledge that and you’ll go far.

Don’t get all clingy and weird about the whole thing (Which ties back to you not getting his name).

No Anal

He doesn’t know you that well.

Encourage Him To Go Down On You

While wasted, you can try to figure out how old is, what he does for a living, and whether he’s a serial killer.

I call it ‘pussy charades’.

– Don’t have sex with him if he knows your friends

There’s nothing more awkward than bumping into a guy who asked if he could pee on you while you’re buying a latte at Starbucks.



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